You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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