The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize