How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
