Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
