I love black thongs
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
