Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
