from now on my penis is your penis
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
