What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
