I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize