Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my shit smells like andre
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
