Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just high enough for therapy.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Randomize
