my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
