If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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