I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
