i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
