3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
