He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
