u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
