Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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