K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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