I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
