I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
