Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize