You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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