I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm like, not good at living.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
