One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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