Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
