Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
