all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
