Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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