Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
