Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
