I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Screwed.edu
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
