apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
