I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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