there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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