I can text with my tongue
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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