here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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