that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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