im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
