matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize