i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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