And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
