whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just gargled with NyQuil
not ubering you a puppy
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
