he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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