We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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