Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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