just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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