I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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