his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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