I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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