so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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