I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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