I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
