On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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