My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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