The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
