so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
