I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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