He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
