It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
