you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize