I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
