Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize