i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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