my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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