when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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