If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
